Loneliness today

6D550A7D-1596-4B9E-A086-ECE347EF414BLoneliness what I would say is one of the biggest most un talked about issues in the world today. Systemically we have drifted apart and there is a multitude of reasons for it. One reason in my opinion being the internet and social media addiction. I feel though that loneliness has existed for a long time, we just weren’t conscious of it or the damage it does.

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Go to Starbucks, a restaurant, the mall, even the grocery store. How many people speak to you and you speak to them? How often do other people make eye contact with you and you make eye contact with them. I have been noticing this for a while now. I’m just as guilty of it as others. It’s one of those things I think that when you have become resigned to the idea that you are just “alone” in this world, that perpetuates further activities and thoughts of isolation. Let me explain.. Say you were in a marriage or relationship for a few years or even several years. You would think because you “have someone” your not lonely, but that’s sometimes the worst loneliness.  Eventually the relationship ends in divorce or a split. Think about the weeks and months preceding that split. I bet there were times when you were in the same room with that person yet felt like they didn’t even see you or acknowledge your presence. I’m sure there were instances you may have had sex with them, but it was merely going through the motions no true love or connection attained. Looking back in my own marriage I felt for two years that I was not seen , heard, or acknowledged for who I really was. It feels extremely painful.  This I feel has become more the norm in relationships than the exception. Some couples turn to religion, alcohol, or anything to derail from looking at the issue at hand. Though they are bypassing the most important problem which is their breakdown of communication and they may be temporarily consumed by something. The end result is they are lonely as hell and quite miserable. I go out to eat and I see couples sitting across from each other with the intent to have a lovely dinner together, but instead they are more intrigued by whatever is going on with Instagram or Facebook. We are here but we are not really “here.”  I am a fan of Teal Swan, many are not, but I owe so much gratitude to her for waking me up to a life I slept halfway through. She talks a lot about shadow work and whether we like to hear it or not we all have a shadow side to us that developed usually from our childhood. She has a book coming out soon called the Anatomy of Loneliness. I look forward to reading it. I have listened to interviews regarding the book and I will post one below that I thought was really good if your interested.

To love someone is to take their feelings and emotions on as your own. One thing I’ve learned  is if you think about anyone who has had the capacity to hurt another living being whether it be rape, murder, etc . There is isolation and detachment from others going on. If I truly care for you and take your feelings on as my own then it would be nearly impossible for me to cause you any harm. Think about your family members or your spouse. If they are hurting you are hurting in some way. Think about when your little child falls and hurts themself it’s almost as if you can feel the pain of what they are feeling . You can if you are attuned to them . We must start being more attuned to how others feel. Especially our children!  For me being so sensitive to everything I have days I wish I could do that a little less lol. I’m working on boundaries. I grew up with very weak boundaries I assume, because I felt that everyone must be and feel as I do. Obviously in this world that’s not the case as much as it would be beautiful if we were all respectful of each other’s boundaries and feelings.  Maybe someday!

I just wanted to write about this tonight also because my daughter deals with feelings of isolation as well. She is rather mature for her age, but struggles with social skills. It is a blessing and a curse. She wants kids to like her and be accepted, but she is having a hard time making a true friend at her new school.. Things she is interested in they could care less about  and vice versa. I drove across town tonight to pick up a little girl she does get along with well from her old school. I do hope she can find someone who gets her where she’s at, ,but so far she has not and in the meantime I feel she needs that connection with a little girl her age . So I took them to the mall and they had a great time.  She lit up like a Christmas tree being with her. Since she was diagnosed with Turner Syndrome, it indicated in research that she would have difficulty socially and I just hope with time it will improve as other things have.. Sometimes it’s hard for adults to make a “real” friend. We have lots of acquaintances, but to find a person who really cares deeply about your feelings and life is needle in the haystack level or jackpot however you wanna see it. So it just got me thinking about loneliness in general and how detrimental it can be to our overall health and well being in this life. Thanks for reading.

Interview.

 

Feeling off today..

I have felt very off today. Maybe its the moon thing.. Moon in Taurus? is that right… I am not good really at understanding the moon cycles or astrology at all. I do understand zodiac signs a little and know I am definitely an Aries..

This Aries is struggling.. Today I tried to meditate and felt it was an epic fail. I started in my room on the floor and just felt like my mind was going a 100mph and even when I stopped thinking I still did not feel connected. I tried to do a grounding exercise I learned and it always does help but yeah still wasn’t able to really meditate like I did the day before. I moved into the bathtub, put some essential oils in there. If you haven’t tried essential (doTerra) essential oils in your bath you should! It always makes me feel better and just more relaxed, but still… no dice on the meditation. I have been working on learning to do some removing of trash if you will that has been stored in me for a long time emotionally. It is a work in progress learning how to manipulate energy within my own being. The lady that I’m learning from is amazing and when a clearing is done in her presence I always feel lighter, more at ease, etc.. but I however am not there yet. I have to be okay with that because ya know Rome wasn’t built in a day as they say. For the pro meditators out there any tips would be appreciated…

I had job interviews this week. Ugh.. I hate interviews…It is positive and negative for me. I have greatly enjoyed part of the time I have been off work. I have been able to take my kid to school and pick her up. For the working parents out there you know how huge that is to your kid to be able to do that instead of them riding the bus. Maybe mine is just spoiled and hates the bus but yeah I enjoy picking her up. I interviewed for a PACU job and hope that I get it because I think for as long as I have to be in nursing thats where I derive the most fulfillment. I have always liked surgical patients and so yeah hope that works out. I don’t really have any pressing messages to deliver or information tonight. I basically just wanted to write out a little bit of whats been on my brain and share it with you. I have been working on making videos for my new Facebook page ” The Health of Knowledge”. I am also working at not being so analytical and picking it to death. I know I should just post the damn things and let it roll. I have so much information inside and being able to convey it outside is a different ballgame. It is like when I had to take speech in college.. I Just am more of a writer than a speaker , atleast right now I feel.  I have watched videos on youtube that I felt were disrespectful or inappropriate for kids to watch etc so though I want to be as authentic as possible, but curse words do spill out of this mouth sometimes. I have to keep in mind that anyone can watch the videos and the impact it can have on people and young people. I want to have positive impact!

I have been quite stressed since taking my mom to her last cycle of chemo last week. It takes a toll on me being around the cancer areas of the hospital. Thats why when I was asked to come back there and work. I had to decline. It is so painful to me to see on a daily basis the degeneration of peoples bodies and spirits as they suffer taking these powerful substances. I have to take my mom to her oncology doctor tomorrow to see how her blood work looks following her chemo. She completed her treatments last Friday and has felt pretty rough since. It seems like for the first couple of days she feels okay because the meds are still on board. As they wear off then it hits her like a train. I am struggling inside hugely with the chemo and radiation. For those who know me, I am an anti drug kind of person. I have found in my life that drugs only suppress symptoms and I have experienced the effects of that first hand, which I will discuss in my second video when I post it. I think with chemo it helps in that it kills the cancer perhaps, but the systemic damage is what I have a hard time coping with. Radiation as well.. its like burning the damn house down. Though I want to be supportive to her, and I did support her decision to take the chemo and radiation. I pray she will be able to recover and bounce back. It just worries me that so many are being led down that road when I feel in my heart there is a better road. So anyways enough about that. I just hope her blood counts are not down tomorrow and that she won’t have to receive any more blood products.

This was a rant more than a regular blog.. I just had to clear out some thoughts. I’m still curious it anyone would want to tell me any topics related to health that they are interested in. Any health issues you are struggling with? questions about Food, I love to talk about food. It would help in making topics for videos. If you do, you can post them on my Facebook page under any post.

Thanks for reading.

Remember…

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have a good day/night.

10/10

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The coming of truth for us all, is waking up to the flames and flow of duality that this planet encompasses. Understanding that nobody but you can start making the necessary changes. As love comes from the depths of our hearts to feel into another human being and assist in the transformation that is necessary for the earth to radiate more light than darkness, more love than hatred & more truth than fear, we will together Heal the Earth.

I reactivated my blog this week. I took it down for a while. I needed to take time to just learn and be for a while. I of course did not just ” be” for most of the last several months, I was working in recovery and taking a lot of call. It wore me down to say the least. I become like a hamster on a wheel. Though my job was extremely comfortable to go to it still wasn’t giving me the feeling that for so very long I have yearned for. I have spend 15 years now being a nurse and It has definitely taught me a lot. It has taught me all the things that I don’t want to be, don’t want to become, and things I no longer resonate with. On 10/10 I joined a group of women, it’s called Blissful life Academy. It’s a 6 month program to help cultivate the life you want essentially and understand the reasons behind why you have not been living it. I have gained a magnitude of awareness over the last 6 years and came a long way from where I once was. I believe in growth for us all. Without growth your like stagnant water with mosquitos just buzzing all around. I joined this program because in the time that I have taken off from work , I have realized just how miserable I have been and for a very long time.

My summer was spent getting my house ready to sell and then an agonizing process of working with a really not so nice realtor trying to find an affordable house that was in a good school zone for my daughter. My whole purpose for wanting to move was to pay off some debt and put her in a better situation than she has been in school wise. So thats what I did. With moving though because I was coming out of such a stressed place, a place of nothing but worry and fear , I basically manifested what I really didn’t want. In some ways it worked out but in other ways I’m still on the fence. I feel I moved a bit further out from the town than I wanted to be. In the process of selling my house my mom got diagnosed with lung cancer. Not what I was anticipating at that time to happen. I guess I’ve always known it was coming but you never want to accept it when the storm hits. The storm definitely did hit, and she is thankfully has made it through her treatment thus far and is on her last week this week.

Here I am in a new house, new location, no job, and a little girl that is in a really good school. It’s definitely made me think about priorities and my life and where the hell it is going and why. I know that I have to get a job to pay the bills and the mortgage, but I also have seen how working in a field I no longer want any part of has taken me down. I have just worked and worked and not invested any time in transitioning me. I am ready to transition me into my next level of this life. I have several passions, so many that sometimes I feel like pieces of a scattered puzzle laying all over the ground. I love music so much it is my release, it calms me and takes me to a place that time doesn’t exist. I love art of any kind, I love to paint it is just fun for me and also takes me out of my brain. Creating is something that fills me up inside and even photography is an interest of mine. I love taking pictures and bringing something to life. I mostly enjoy taking pics of my animals and nature. I love to write. Writing is the way of clearing out the clutter for me. It makes me feel the way you do when you’ve cleaned your whole house and you can just sit down and chill. It taps deeply into my soul and lets it bleed. I feel I should start making videos because I have seen that this is where the world is at now. When I get on Instagram or social media it feels like nothing but one big marketplace. People prefer the quick video opposed to sitting and reading these days. We are busy busy busy… I feel that social media is a place where everyone is trying to sell you their craft to make money. That is where I get stuck. I feel like if everyone is already doing it then how can I? thats self limiting belief #1 out of about 100 . I also don’t think I am a good sales person#2. I tried to sell Mary Kay and just did absolutely nothing with it.. With that said in my defense I was never really passionate at a deep level about the makeup due to the high chemical content. I have come to find that doing things from a clean place, an organic place, a place that nothing but the purest of quality resides is an inspiration to me. Same with food and essential oils. So that brings me to what all this time has given me. A new perspective. As excited as I get about health and wellness, is as excited I get about creating a brand for myself that is like a big umbrella. I want it to encompass everything that health and healing means in each and every persons journey.  That journey is different and looks different for each and everyone of us. I will create a clothing line initially. I want it to be called (Cant tell you yet 🙂 Organics.  To me we all are one and we are here for the expansion of not only our own souls but the expansion at large of this universe. I see so much duality here. I see light and dark, good and bad, some of the bad is really bad and those negative forces are painful as hell for someone like me that feels so much. So of course why wouldn’t I want to transform that? We all have the power to transform that if we just take action. I have been so guilty of sitting back for so long living in multitudes of dreams flowing through my mind like the pictures on a slide show. I see each and every possibility yet I do nothing about it. I sit back waiting and waiting..and waiting…. We can no longer wait. It is Now that life begins, each day a new day, a day to begin the transformation of ourselves into a kinder more loving place. The patterns of those that came before us have trickled down like a faucet with a bad leak. Each generation and each future generation taking on that which has been painful and not yet transformed. The heavy burdens we have carried without even realizing and they are heavy my friends. We as a whole planet can move these vibrations and heighten them. Be the light you want to see, shine the light on any area that is dark but with protection to your own self. We go in the sun but we wear sunblock right? We want to take in the vitamin D but not the harmful UV rays. Well I want to help others tap into their true essence but I can no longer carry the burdens that they hold as my own. I have struggled with this through my whole life and not even been conscious of it. I bet several of you do the same without even realizing. It is the same as when you are around someone who is really negative and you just feel terrible when you leave that person. It is like a bad smelling cologne that lingers in the air. It is a passion of mine personally to help heal this planet because suffering has been no stranger to me. When I am in the zones of peace and vitality I want everyone to feel that feeling. In a nut shell my brands mission is peace and transformation to each and everyone that will wear it. We are energy and even the Brand itself is an energy that is vibrating very high like a beautiful song you want to listen to over and over again. I’m starting to research how I can link up with some ethical organizations that manufacture eco friendly or fair trade clothing. (if anyone reading this has any information please email me @ Thehealthofknowledge@gmail.com ) Furthermore I have mentioned probably in posts or my Instagram just how much I love elephants. My heart is with them and I plan to donate a portion of the profit of my sales to the elephants because the lives they have led have inspired me to aid in helping their future because they are intelligent, majestic creatures with souls the size of the ocean. I want to see them around for years to come so my daughters children can admire them 🙂  Each animal is a unique soul and deserves love. The way we have treated animals is as if they are not even human and they are separate from us. We don’t want to think about the death they suffered when we put the piece of bacon in our mouths. I no longer could ignore it. I have no hatred or disrespect of you if you eat meat. Like I mentioned we are all at different places in our journey. 6 years ago I had absolutely no association with where the food came from that I was putting in my mouth. Today I do. It is growth , it is why we are here merely to learn and evolve. I put my plan in writing today not because it will be accomplished overnight, but because it is a goal of mine and by putting it to paper , I’m stating that it will be done! I hope you come along the journey with me. Time to open the throat chakra people. Speak the truth that your soul wants to share with others. Time isn’t waiting on you. Love to you all!!

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