Birth Control…

I’ve been tempted to write on this topic for a while now. Everyday it seems I encounter people or read about someone who is suffering with hormonal imbalance. I feel that I can maybe speak from my own experience to shed some light on this topic for those who feel confused as to what to do when the doctor says “Just get on the pill it will fix all your problems.”

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Backing up like 18 years ago, I used to have really irregular periods. I started my period at 11 and then didn’t really have another period until I was 12.5. From that time on they were never on a 28 day cycle and some months I would bleed 12-18 days which seemed to me as a young girl at the time awful. I guess it is awful for any of us at any age right! It is not only annoying to be wearing a pad or tampon for that many days of the month, but it leads to the question?? why in the hell are my periods so irregular? Well by the time I was 17 or 18. I went to a gynecologist who placed me on birth control to “fix” this issue. It did regulate the period some, but it also made me gain weight, have more headaches, and then eventually I was spotting in-between periods again. The doctor then upped my dose of birth control if I recall a pill called ovcon 50. They may no longer even make this brand I have no idea. When I was put on that pill , I was down in Georgia going to college and playing softball. I term it as the best and worst year of my life. I made some amazing friends and enjoyed the warm weather so much. I learned to play guitar which just made me want to sing even more and that’s a hobby I still enjoy today. Those were the positives. The negatives however were:  I became a girl who was continuing to gain weight even though I was exercising and playing softball. Also my moods were as labile as someone who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I had transitioned from playing ball with girls who had played fast pitch their whole lives to this place that was at a slower pace and girls that had come from playing slow pitch. It was a big adjustment for me. I recall one day becoming so angry on the field over one of the girls who I didn’t particularly care for, I literally grabbed my stuff and stormed back to my dorm. When I got to my dorm I sat there crying and couldn’t stop crying. Normally I would have maybe not cared for the actions of the player, but I would have contained my emotions and just went on about practice. I just was miserable and at the time, I had no idea that all of these moods were coming from a little white pill. I joke with people now and say I want nothing to do with birth control because it makes me nuts. I feel that strongly. It is one thing to suffer from some PMS each month, but no woman wants to pms everyday. I feel thats what birth control does for you. When I came home from Georgia, I was like enough of this. I had broken it off with my current boyfriend and I just wanted a complete break from birth control and it all. I noticed such a shift coming off it, I wasn’t so angry all the time, and I started to lose a little weight and go back to feeling like “me.”

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Fast forward to post having my daughter. I was 25, I like all women probably feel after just having a baby. “I don’t want to do this again right now ” haha.. So I talked to my OBGYN and he suggested putting in an IUD called the Mirena. It was quite new at the time. Looking back I wish I knew then what I know now… but it never works out that way does it?  I recall the doctor telling me how lovely the mirena was and how I would barely bleed each month if at all, and he said “It’s only inserted in your uterus so it won’t cause any of the effects that birth control does, yet it contains hormones🤔.

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I think it is amazing that someone who went to school for that many years and his main focus was the female reproductive system. He didn’t understand that your cervix/uterus is a mucous membrane that is going to absorb those hormones and share them with your bloodstream which runs through your whole body. So many women have complained about the side effects of the Mirena. Even the nurse of the OBGYN I saw had him remove hers. I know women that have gained a lot of weight, spotted all the time, never had any period which in my opinion is not good. Some IUD’s have perforated the uterus which sounds dreadful. All these different systemic and emotional side effects can occur because of  hormones. I believe hormones can be regulated in a more natural way. I guess another  choice is the copper IUD which comes not with hormonal side effects, but from what I hear really heavy periods and worse cramps, just what every woman wants! I think there has to be a better way. I think if you are in a monogamous relationship then there are ways to learn your cycle, there are ovulating predictors (don’t know all the brands), some are quite pricey, but there is no such thing as too much money when it comes to your body being healthy and your mind being right. I would suggest those types of birth control . If your not in a monogamous relationship then perhaps the old fashioned condom might just be the best thing. It is definitely the best thing in my opinion with the numbers of STDS these days and the fact that those numbers are climbing.

A lot of women are suffering from PCOS and Fibroids. My recommendation for those two things are first definitely changing up the diet. That goes really for all of our female issues, Pms as well. The Medical medium has a great book that talks about foods that heal the body and I think eating more fresh organic fruits, herbs, and vegetables are the best healers money can buy. Alissa Vitti is another great resource for pcos as she tells her story on YouTube and has a book called Woman code.

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Getting off the processed foods, high fructose corn syrup,GMO, and fast food is a great start. I’m not perfect and my diet isn’t always perfect but I can honestly say that I get about 2-3 headaches a month compared to when I ate the standard American diet 8-10 headaches a month.  I was at one time living on midol and excedrin. I was killing my colon even more taking nsaids all the time. While I’m on the topic of headaches, I usually get a migraine when I do get a headache. Now I can usually name the exact thing that caused it. 90 percent of the time for me it’s chocolate. Chocolate is a definite weakness for me. Certain times of the month I can get away with eating dark chocolate and all the peanut butter I want. During those times closer to my cycle they will trigger a migraine for me. Sometimes around those days preceding my period even almond milk can cause a headache. I notice since I started making my own almond milk it doesn’t do it as much as the store bought brands. I soak the nuts for 8 hours and I make my almond milk pretty thin since I mainly use it for smoothies. My best advice is to Just be mindful of what your eating and you’ll start to see the things that make you feel amazing and the foods that drag you down. Conscious eating I am learning more and more about and hope to continue to improve for my own health.

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In conclusion of this, I just encourage women no matter what age you are to research more about birth control before you get on it. Listen to other women’s stories. If you truly feel that’s what your body needs then I understand. I wish that I would have understood more about the side effects birth control when I was younger. Listening to your body is the best thing you can do and sometimes your body and intuition know more than any doctor ever will. Thanks for reading 🙏

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Holding on..

I’m tired tonight, mostly stricken with the excess stimulation of the day. I spent the day with Hannah and though I enjoy being with her to the fullest, there are times I feel I need a break. I need a break for myself to heal. I need a break for my mind to unwind, I need a break for me to feel something more than just what is around me. I need to escape to a foreign land where the sand is beneath my feet and the salty water is cleansing my body and seeping deeply into my soul. I need that peace. I long for it.

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I have dreamt of moving to Hawaii for a long time. I hope the day comes that moving somewhere tropical will be a reality for me.  The other night I actually had a very vivid dream about it. I want to share it I guess because it has been on my mind. I am not a person who usually remembers my dreams very often. I have a friend that has the most amazing dreams all the time. Im a bit jealous and if your reading this you know who you are haha. Anyways, in this dream it was as if I could feel everything so intensely. I was swimming in the ocean and it was a beautiful hue of light blue. I was going along where there was a bridge and the bridge was at the same level about as the water. The water was just washing over the bridge and me. All of a sudden a really large wave came and I had to hold my breath. You know how you feel when you are holding your breath and you feel like you just can’t anymore even for another second. I felt that so vividly. As the water kept going over my head I was holding and holding and holding.. then finally I took a breath and It was nothing short of a beautiful freeing feeling. Looking back at the dream it’s in a way how I live my life here lately. I feel that there are so many things I aspire to do, or places I want to go, but I’m always holding. I’m always making an exuse. I always have a reason why I can’t go, or can’t buy something. I can’t move because of so many reasons I have created in my head. I’m just basically on hold. For those who know me, like really know me. I am an Aries all the way. Aries don’t really care for being “on hold.”  When I think back to my younger self. I didn’t let my mind get in the way so much. I wouldn’t call myself impulsive, but I was able to see something I wanted and just go for it. The hesitation wasn’t there. As many of you probably feel and know. Life seems to teach us this hesitation. It comes from past trauma, past hurts, mistakes, pain, etc. It teaches us unfortunately not to trust our own inner voice. Our inner voice is the key to our progression I feel. So many of us, including myself run sometimes from that voice or just completely ignore it. That is almost as bad as self sabotage. I want to be more like the younger version of Kristen. The girl that knew what she wanted and didn’t have to question. She followed the passion that was in her and made a choice regardless of the outcomes. That girl has made some big mistakes, but she also has some attributes to be proud of. I purchased my first home at the age of 23. I started working weekend shifts as a nurse to make more money and decided that I needed a house. I have owned 3 more homes since that time. There are days when life isn’t treating me so well that I wish I could crawl back to that little first house, but unfortunately thats not how the game works. I long for progression, so much so that it causes me pain to be not moving forward. I want to live in the present moment as well, but also know when its time for a shift. I love my home that Im currently in, but If I am going to stay in Nashville longer, I am being drawn to the downtown area. I love East Nashville. I love the Green Hills area, neither of which affording is going to be easy or school placement for Hannah. I however feel somehow I can make it work if I choose to. Hannah and I have stumbled across the best coffee shop downtown. It’s called CREMA. I love it. Its amazing coffee and it just makes us happy to go there on the weekends when time permits. The drive however gets old. We love Wild Cow, and several other places down there. It Would just be nice to be 10 minutes away from something instead of a good 30 with hellish traffic. 

Thats one thing I’ve been dealing with, and the other is my health. This blog is tailored toward my health and discussing health in general. I feel that I should be authentic in discussing whatever is going on with me that I feel like shareing. In September/October my colon started declining toward a flare. I was really pissed and bummed about it. In some ways I feel I contributed to it with all the stress I was going through at the time. I was really pondering trying to do travel nursing and moving away. With my child and animals it just wasn’t the right time and during the whole process of investigating it and traveling to see a place I was interested in. It hit me that it wasn’t where I wanted to be. It was Seattle. We went there for a vacation, but it was also to see if we vibed with it and unfortunately we just did not. To summarize why it wouldn’t work, I will just say I love the Sunshine a lot and it was so gloomy there. I didn’t like the pace or the costly concrete jungle it presented.  So I came back home feeling almost like a failure. I had gotten my hopes up that this is what I wanted. Hannah felt she would like it as well, but we just didn’t’. Sometimes we can paint an amazing picture in our heads of what we think something is like , but in reality it is totally different. Live and learn. My colon just apparently didn’t’ deal well with all the emotions I was feeling and here came the flare. I am doing better now, and hope I can keep it in check for a while. I went several months without medicine and was so proud and thankful. I hope to accomplish that again. Even though my colon itself has been doing well. My lower back has not. I have been having lower back pain probably over 2 years now. I have blamed it on several different things, and it has gotten worse and worse. Sadly enough arthritis has set up in my lumbar spine. I had an MRI a couple of weeks ago that showed that. It says it is “mild” which in my mind I think, if this is mild I really hate to see moderate or severe. It is very painful and when I bend and try to roll over even in bed sometimes it hurts like hell. I can’t take NSAIDs often because of my colon. This week I went to see my GI doctor who is going to be retiring in January. I told him all of this and his first response was that I need to see a rheumatology doctor. I of course cringed at the thought of that, because I know the path that will lead to. I told him I would see the doctor, but I would have to be in really bad bad shape before I would consider immuno-suppresive therapies such as Humara or Remicade. I just will not allow myself to go down that road yet if ever. Those medicines are a precursor to a total body demise in my opinion. If anyone is reading this and is on them, I don’t mean to be insulting by any means. Just personally for me it is not the route I will take. I don’t like anything that merely places a bandaid on a big problem. I want to find the source of the problem and fix it. I believe with diet changes and exercise I can help the situation. The human body wants to heal itself. I believe that. I just have to put in the effort and do the work. I am researching and learning more about juicing. Up to this point I have never enjoyed juicing. It is hard for me to get it down, but I feel that in order to heal an ailment we have to cleanse the body fully to be able to fully start absorbing vital nutrients that I am clearly needing. I want to eventually do a juice cleanse and maybe fast some. Many people say that fasting is the secret to healing a lot of diseases. I’m open to new ideas and am ready to start trying to shake things up for myself. Hannah will be 12 in March. I promised her that her birthday present will be a membership to a gym. She has wanted to be able to exercise with her mom since she was 9 years old at a gym. Hopefully we will both be able to go and get in better shape. All of my health issues began 3 months after I stopped playing softball when I was 19 years old. I’m sure the disease process was there but seemed that all the physical activity and the distraction of the games probably helped in some way keep it all at bay. I am strong in many ways. I don’t say that in any egotistical way but in truth. I will prevail through this, and I want this blog to be my proof of my progression. I am human and I will have good and bad days. I will hold my breath through the waves crashing over me, but like in my dream when the wave passes I will rise.

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thanks for reading.