Turning Left..

At a speed so fast she can feel her body moving faster than it ever has in a vehicle almost as if she is one with the car. Approaching up ahead is a fork in the road. The choice is either to stay straight or go left. The only choice for her seems to be to go left.


Immediately she is going down the steepest hill she has ever been on at a speed that can not be stopped even by hitting the breaks. She is trying so hard to hit the breaks in a state of panic, but the car keeps going faster. She sees the oncoming cars coming toward her and knows it is inevitable she’s going to hit them and she does exactly that .The car is moving through the other cars and flipping and she views it almost as if she is watching from above the wreck happening. She feels nothing but sees it like a movie playing on a screen.  Waking up seeing a police officer and being in the hospital is how it ended but what was the meaning? I have not dreamed a dream so vivid since years ago when I was really sick and had a high fever. I recall moving through a silver sparkly tunnel; just like this dream, but not as fast, my body was moving very swiftly through this tunnel and it kept going and going. I could feel is as if my body was really moving and then it just stopped and I woke up as if I had landed abruptly. Movement seems to be a theme perhaps..

I have been dealing with a lot of stress for the last couple of months and apparently it  caught up. My mom was very sick for two months and thankfully is doing better now.  I considered moving recently and realized that wouldn’t be a good idea this year but all the thought and effort that went into that was enough to send my colitis into an ugly flare. I have so much that needs to be done around my house and I get frustrated because financially I can not do it all at once and just need to be more patient.  I have not had a flare in over a year and a half and have not required any medication during that time. The thought of having to surrender my fight of diet winning over drugs just really got me down. I did however surrender and will take the medication until I am back in remission and continue on with the diet I feel is the best for me. I have to be thankful though for the time I have been able to stay off my medication and know that a lot of irritable bowel disease, crohns, and colitis are affected by the way we think and handle stress. We can eat a perfect clean diet but if our mind isn’t right our immune system feels it. Like many others I don’t always handle stress well and for years have been an internalizer. I feel that whatever we are holding in and can’t effectively work through. It will find a way to come out so to speak in some form of disease, and for me that disease manifests itself in my colon. I don’t write about my business so much because I feel everyone needs to know it,  but If I can help one person who is going through something similar know that they are not alone then I feel that is huge. I know very well what it feels like to be alone. Even when I was married I felt alone. Being alone in the world is a big struggle I feel for a lot of people these days. Everyone needs a support system, a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, etc. I have been divorced for 8 years now with two failed relationships during that time. So there are days I want to have a pitty party and feel completely sorry for the fact that I have to try to balance it all alone. It gets really old really fast. There is a side of me that after this much time does not mind being alone because that is “easier” at least thats what my ego says. Deep down though I long for a true connection with someone who gets me and can add something to my life as I would theirs. We all want that and sometimes it feels like a dream or a fairy tale life. It is kind of like looking on instagram and you see all the happy people taking photos with their families. It creates this thought that wow they are so blissfully happy and I am 36 years old and still alone. I know that a picture is only a picture and we all have our internal struggles that we don’t disclose to the world or social media for that fact. I just read a blog about this recently how people are so mean to others who have more on social media. I am happy for people who have found happiness, but I would be lying if I denied that I desire happiness as well. Everyone deserves to feel joy!


My dream indicated to me a feeling of not having control of my life in aspects. I have felt this feeling before and subconsciously buried it. From the time I was a child, I was a pleaser type child. I did whatever was asked of me and did not go against the grain even if I wanted to. Many of us grew up with the kind of parents that used control or perhaps even manipulation to get their children to conform to what they needed them to do. Sadly it was subconscious on their part, just an ingrained family pattern of how they were parented. I was in that boat with no offense to my parents as they made mistakes just as Im sure I make mistakes with my daughter. When your a child and you have little autonomy you grow up into an adult who struggles deeply with making decisions. You question yourself and feel that you will either fail or your too afraid to fail because when you were little if you were “bad” it meant that “you” were bad. If you “failed” you attached the meaning that “YOU” were a “Failure.”  Even though this has been as I said buried in some ways it comes out in my adult life and my closest friends see it.  I have many ideas of the way I would like for my life to go yet I’m terrified to venture out with new ideas. I know that failure is our greatest teacher but that doesn’t make it any easier. Like a quote from someone ( Teal Swan) I have learned a lot from says “If we don’t ever take risks then we will someday arrive at death safely”.  That just sounds really boring to me and regretful.

The girl driving out of control in that vehicle down the steepest hill ever is very much me. In the dream She felt terrified yet when the car crashed no pain, no despair, nothing.. just movement and perhaps liberation.  I need to move and work through the fear. I know that in the end it will all be okay.  Tony Robbins does large seminars on how to teach people to change their state of mind and progress. When we aren’t progressing we feel so stuck and stagnant. The fact that he can fill up an arena with thousands and thousands of people says a lot about the way we have been conditioned to think as a collective society. I want more than anything to be a health coach and perhaps even teach others how to make healthier food options. I want to teach people a better way of thinking and eating. That is a dream I would like to turn into a reality. I’m learning everyday new recipes and really enjoy it. It is always fluid and could change but thats where my interests are currently.  My ability to be able to teach others things about their health comes from the roots of my own suffering and my own paralyzation with my life. I have seen a lot of suffering in my immediate family. My grandmother had Rheumatoid arthritis, my father Cancer, my mother has Lymphoma, and my brother died just a year ago of repercussions of alcohol addiction.  I feel like I’m coming out of a really hard shell that has been stuck to me for years. It has tied me down and made me feel guilt, shame, and fear.  If anyone says family patterns don’t affect us oh yes they do. Just so many of us are not conscious of it yet. After the death of my father at 17, I felt like half a person and a lost person at that for many years.  I am thankful to have a job and have learned a lot as a nurse, but I feel there is more for me and I want to keep exploring my curiosity. This blog helps with that even if one person reads it!  I desire freedom and support if that can coexist in this life. Support that is not conditional just out of  authentic love.  We all struggle with something and we all desire things. I want to attach myself to the something I desire go with it and even if I do crash know that like in the dream, my soul will remain untouched.  Thanks for reading.img_8416




I am seeing more and more people suffering from not only cancer but autoimmune diseases. I myself suffer from one of those diseases which I have mentioned in previous posts. It fuels me to want to heal and to want others to heal. I think collectively we have become numb to the fact that what we are Eating, Breathing, and Thinking is affecting us every single day of our lives. We see nothing but fast food chains and restaurants all around us cooking in heavy saturated fats and oils and sugar is Everywhere.  With that said Inflammation is Everywhere.

People are not able to live happy functional lives unless they are taking NSAIDS daily. They are killing their kidneys and colons by doing this, but in order to keep up with the current diet they are eating they must take the pills. I say that out loud but a lot of people don’t make a connection there. Im telling you from experience there is definitely a connection to eating processed sugary foods and inflammation. There is a connection with greasy fast food and inflammation. There is definitely a connection with alcohol, dairy and inflammation. Many people argue because their young or their bodies are compensating in other ways right now and they think they are “fine” After years of eating the Standard American Diet (SAD)  your health will decline in some form. Diabetes is at all time highs right now and obesity. Why?? When your consuming dead foods which is what I would refer to anything that you buy at a fast food chain you have to eat more and more of those chemical filled substances to feel satiated. All your doing is taking in loads of carbs and sugars which turn into Fat. In turn carrying around all that extra weight stresses the heart and leads to cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

People are sedentary these days. They don’t want to move their bodies. Most Americans spend 80% of their day on a computer and even if being on a computer isn’t their job. They are still addicted to social media and prefer sitting at a chair or on a couch scrolling through news feeds. I myself have been no exception to this lifestyle. I just see it more clearly now that I have made my own changes with what I’m consuming. Exercise is crucial in some form for healing.  I believe 100% that when you change your diet and your not clogging everything up with heavy fats and sugar , its like you let the light in! and you emit the light of your essence much easier!

The other night I was driving home from work and a large Semi truck passed me with probably over 100 pigs going to be slaughtered. It hurts me to my core to see it. I could see their ears sticking out of the holes and their noses. They had absolutely no control of their destiny and to me thats the ultimate form of cruelty. They were all piled in there as hot as it is outside and no way out. To me its like a modern day concentration camp for animals. Many people don’t see it from that perspective but I must say that is my perspective for what it’s worth.  When we have an earth full of life giving fruits and vegetables to me there is absolutely no need to eat an animal. Thankfully research is proving that to people today!  Dr. Michael Greger has a book out “How not to Die” talking about the plant based diet and its effects on reversing cardiovascular disease. Meat is high in uric acid which is also contributing to inflammation in the body. Out of greed the animals have suffered more and more over the years for mass production and their bodies have been treated like a science experiment. It is just cruel and I pray for the day that everyone is conscious and sees a better way to live than taking the life of another being.

I just want to say that another issue I feel that is a precursor to people having inflammatory responses in their bodies is STRESS. We are all stressed as a society financially and just in general. People are working their asses off at dead end jobs that they absolutely hate to make a check that isn’t even enough to live. If that doesn’t cause stress I don’t know what would.  People are not living their passions because of fear. Fear of failure is one of the biggest things that keep people from doing what they love or even being able to adventure to see what they love. We are all products of social conditioning from our family, family members, friends, and media. Its like we have been taught from a very young age that it is not okay to do what you love. For some reason due to family patterns there is a thought that you should just exist to make money for the sake of making money and because thats what those before you did.They hated their dead end jobs so their children should too. Now there are families that live their passion and their children do the same and those are conscious people and I admire their lifestyle and the way they parent their children. They unfortunately are more the exception than the rule today. When you stay stressed your body is releasing cortisol all the time.. How long do you think your body can keep up with that game? Eventually your adrenal glands and your immune system is gonna say F You! I’m gonna break down if your going to keep this up. Thats what it does. Peoples hair starts falling out, they suffer with joint pain, severe acne, bowel issues of all sorts, colitis, crohns, and Rheumatoid arthritis, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, chronic illness, and cancer. We were not designed to be machines. We are spiritual beings having a human experience here on Earth. We are here  to expand our souls and for us to flourish as much as we can and grow. When you are doing something you love you have Energy for Days!! you can go and go and your not even tired. If you are tired you sleep and you wake up ready for more. When you are doing something you hate it is painful to get up and painful to make it through the day. Those feelings cause disease. The feelings of resentment, anger, pain, and shame. So why don’t people do more of what they love?  We have to break family patterns and social conditioning even if that means cutting ties and moving far away. Negativity will kill you!


I’m writing  about this because I believe that our bodies want to heal and that health should be a normal state, not illness. When eating processed foods we are introducing parasites, chemicals, and toxins to our bodies. Over time they take a toll. I recommend probiotics and prebiotics to everyone. The difference is pre-biotics feed the flora in our gut that is already there. They are good for anyone who has been on a lot of antibiotics. Markus Rothkranz has a good video on Youtube about prebiotics. I will post it below, he explains it much better than I can. I can’t tell anyone what brand to take, you have to do what feels right for you. Its a good start trying to heal the gut because thats where a lot of our immunity thrives or dies.  I want to help people start to wake up to the fact that what they are eating when eating fast foods isn’t serving them. It isn’t serving their children. You always hear about fillers in dog foods that are cheap, well the corn products that people are consuming that are GMO are no different. You may have a full belly but you’ve gained absolutely no nutrition from what was consumed and created inflammation in return. Your body sees chemicals in these dead foods as foreign invaders so of course its going to cause an inflammatory response and thats when we experience joint pains, fatigue; headaches to name a few. Its not really much different than when you have a bacterial infection or viral. You spike a fever as a symptom of that bacteria that has entered your body. Your body is telling you something is wrong. We just need to learn to listen to it!!!  I encourage everyone to think before you eat something. Find out where it has come from and what is in it. Read labels, look for organic fruits and veggies and non GMO labels. Yes they cost more but it’s worth it!! Go to farmers markets!  It is okay to go against the grain and free yourself from the matrix of what everyone else is doing. It is not easy I am learning that, but I have to feel its worth it in the end! Thanks for reading.



I listened to this this morning and felt compelled to share. I certainly don’t proclaim to have all the answers where diet is concerned but it certainly has caught my attention and curiosity in wanting to learn more. I have been listening to some of this guys videos on YouTube and have found that what he is saying resonates with me. I like to listen to people with wisdom and who have been through a lot in their lives to put them on the journey they are on. I truly feel that with most people they are on a journey of health and wellness because at some point they have encountered enough suffering to create an awareness that there has to be a better way. In all truth if we don’t have our health what do we have??  I believe the raw vegan diet is one of the best ways to heal a lot of health problems. I of course am my own experiment and will keep on seeing what each new thing that I learn does in my own personal life. I hope to share that wisdom with my daughter, friends, family and anyone who wants to change for the better!

Well if you have time to listen, I think you will find that what he is saying is on point and an inspiration to change directions and try to let go of the habit of consuming the present (SAD) Standard American Diet.

A radio interview with Markus Rothkranz and Cara Brotman!