Your blueprint

imageHere I am today in probably one of the most peaceful places I have been able to find. I’m at radnor lake, a place where animals aren’t hunted, people aren’t running around, and the wind blows so beautifully on top of this ridge. Not to mention just how awesome that wind feels after you climb the ridge. As I walk through the trail I find my mind turns on , it doesn’t turn on to the fact that I may have to work tomorrow , doesn’t turn on to the bad driver that cut me off yesterday; it doesn’t turn on to what I saw on the news that was disturbing. It seems to clear.   It thinks of things that to me are inspirational , which nature is inspiring if you really think about it. As I was climbing I heard an owl and it immediately took me back to my childhood. We , my brother and I grew up at a dead end road with nothing but woods around. Hence maybe that’s why I like nature so much . Hearing that owl hoot I saw myself laying on a raft on a summer day in the pool with a breeze just like this today , I would lay there and look at the clouds move by , splash myself with cold water when I was hot from the sun; listen to the birds. Those senses all came back as if I were there. As I’m questioning more things about why people do what they do these days.I know that our childhood never really ever leaves us , it’s just part of our blueprint, part of the reason we love spring or summer, maybe we love hot dogs or nachos because we remember eating them at a ballpark. Maybe we love rain because it would rain when we played outside. When your young, you don’t mind getting wet one bit do ya?. Maybe you love a certain holiday because as a child you have memories of your whole family together .We can go back there so quickly without having to even try consciously .

Then my mind drifts to the children that may have never had what they wanted growing up. They had to fight for one meal a day, the kids that were not loved by their parents and felt no connection whatsoever . Some children grew up with emotionally abusive parents . I’ve learned that emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. Those kids could never attain approval no matter how hard they tried .Those children are adults in today’s society having children ( quite scary isn’t it) . I am choosing to focus on the negative aspect because I feel that’s unfortunately what sticks with us the most. It is and was never authentic to our soul purpose for being here to have to endure those things, or was it??  As conscious adults it can be now our greatest lessons and teacher. When we see selfish adults, we can think maybe they were children who had nothing but lack in their lives. Perhaps thats why they eat so much now or hoard things . As adults they don’t see it or even acknowledge that this side of them exists in most cases. The person who hates being alone as an adult may have been neglected as a child or abused. Adults who to everyone present themselves as “perfect” “awesome characters” or “flawless”  are some of our most flawed beings to walk the earth emotionally . They’re even more out of touch with their authentic selves than some others. Psychologists have labeled individuals with those behaviors as narcissistic. Children who had to fight for attention and love, today are still fighting an internal battle for these affections. They just may not be conscious enough to realize it. If something is suppressed long enough we become unconscious of it, but it still appears in our behaviors or Personalities .

Love is a natural state for us all , it feels the best when we are loving or being loved . Hold a puppy, what do you feel? Hold a newborn baby what do you feel? My daughter told me the other day at school a boy told her “you suck.” Well when you step back and examine that comment coming from a child, it’s pretty simple to realize that he didn’t create the phrase. He most likely has been told that he either sucks, perhaps another child said it or family member. Many possible ways it could have came into his minds possession. I explained this to my daughter the best way I could. My purpose was for her to understand that just because people say things that are rude or hurtful it’s most likely coming from another place, and it has nothing to do with her personally. Sometimes we lash out without consciously thinking about why we are saying what is rolling off our tongue,  As an adult it’s a trigger most of the time of one of our childhood wounds that have been suppressed and swept under the rug. We can’t run or hide from it ,it will come out sooner or later I promise. Anything that we suppress only grows . What was your childhood like? We’re your parents authoritative and controlling? Do you feel today like an insecure adult unable to make independent decisions. Were your parents kind and supportive and you feel well rounded and like your on the right path. Why do you like certain things you do? Was it because your family liked them growing up? What about your religion. Why are you Catholic, Baptist, or Protestant? When I was a little girl, I recall wearing a beautiful dress the day I was baptized. From that day on I took on the inherited phrase from my mom “your catholic” I said “ok” and smiled. I think it’s important to examine why we like or dislike a certain something. You will find that a lot of the time it’s because your parent/family gave approval for it or disapproval growing up. No matter how you were raised the memory and emotion is with you today just like the owl was with me on this hike. Thanks for reading!

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