Your blueprint

imageHere I am today in probably one of the most peaceful places I have been able to find. I’m at radnor lake, a place where animals aren’t hunted, people aren’t running around, and the wind blows so beautifully on top of this ridge. Not to mention just how awesome that wind feels after you climb the ridge. As I walk through the trail I find my mind turns on , it doesn’t turn on to the fact that I may have to work tomorrow , doesn’t turn on to the bad driver that cut me off yesterday; it doesn’t turn on to what I saw on the news that was disturbing. It seems to clear.   It thinks of things that to me are inspirational , which nature is inspiring if you really think about it. As I was climbing I heard an owl and it immediately took me back to my childhood. We , my brother and I grew up at a dead end road with nothing but woods around. Hence maybe that’s why I like nature so much . Hearing that owl hoot I saw myself laying on a raft on a summer day in the pool with a breeze just like this today , I would lay there and look at the clouds move by , splash myself with cold water when I was hot from the sun; listen to the birds. Those senses all came back as if I were there. As I’m questioning more things about why people do what they do these days.I know that our childhood never really ever leaves us , it’s just part of our blueprint, part of the reason we love spring or summer, maybe we love hot dogs or nachos because we remember eating them at a ballpark. Maybe we love rain because it would rain when we played outside. When your young, you don’t mind getting wet one bit do ya?. Maybe you love a certain holiday because as a child you have memories of your whole family together .We can go back there so quickly without having to even try consciously .

Then my mind drifts to the children that may have never had what they wanted growing up. They had to fight for one meal a day, the kids that were not loved by their parents and felt no connection whatsoever . Some children grew up with emotionally abusive parents . I’ve learned that emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. Those kids could never attain approval no matter how hard they tried .Those children are adults in today’s society having children ( quite scary isn’t it) . I am choosing to focus on the negative aspect because I feel that’s unfortunately what sticks with us the most. It is and was never authentic to our soul purpose for being here to have to endure those things, or was it??  As conscious adults it can be now our greatest lessons and teacher. When we see selfish adults, we can think maybe they were children who had nothing but lack in their lives. Perhaps thats why they eat so much now or hoard things . As adults they don’t see it or even acknowledge that this side of them exists in most cases. The person who hates being alone as an adult may have been neglected as a child or abused. Adults who to everyone present themselves as “perfect” “awesome characters” or “flawless”  are some of our most flawed beings to walk the earth emotionally . They’re even more out of touch with their authentic selves than some others. Psychologists have labeled individuals with those behaviors as narcissistic. Children who had to fight for attention and love, today are still fighting an internal battle for these affections. They just may not be conscious enough to realize it. If something is suppressed long enough we become unconscious of it, but it still appears in our behaviors or Personalities .

Love is a natural state for us all , it feels the best when we are loving or being loved . Hold a puppy, what do you feel? Hold a newborn baby what do you feel? My daughter told me the other day at school a boy told her “you suck.” Well when you step back and examine that comment coming from a child, it’s pretty simple to realize that he didn’t create the phrase. He most likely has been told that he either sucks, perhaps another child said it or family member. Many possible ways it could have came into his minds possession. I explained this to my daughter the best way I could. My purpose was for her to understand that just because people say things that are rude or hurtful it’s most likely coming from another place, and it has nothing to do with her personally. Sometimes we lash out without consciously thinking about why we are saying what is rolling off our tongue,  As an adult it’s a trigger most of the time of one of our childhood wounds that have been suppressed and swept under the rug. We can’t run or hide from it ,it will come out sooner or later I promise. Anything that we suppress only grows . What was your childhood like? We’re your parents authoritative and controlling? Do you feel today like an insecure adult unable to make independent decisions. Were your parents kind and supportive and you feel well rounded and like your on the right path. Why do you like certain things you do? Was it because your family liked them growing up? What about your religion. Why are you Catholic, Baptist, or Protestant? When I was a little girl, I recall wearing a beautiful dress the day I was baptized. From that day on I took on the inherited phrase from my mom “your catholic” I said “ok” and smiled. I think it’s important to examine why we like or dislike a certain something. You will find that a lot of the time it’s because your parent/family gave approval for it or disapproval growing up. No matter how you were raised the memory and emotion is with you today just like the owl was with me on this hike. Thanks for reading!

“Stop saying your Fine” Mel Robbins


A few years ago I was working downtown and required to sit in my car an hour sometimes an hour and a half in the mornings going to work. The evenings sometimes were quite similar. So as if the ride wasn’t bad enough the job was even more unfulfilling. At work on slow days I would sit at my computer wanting to do anything but sit at my computer. I love music and so I would listen to my favorite songs on YouTube . I stumbled across a Ted talk that was really interesting and I watched it.. From that day on I started listening to Ted talks or other people I was interested in on the way to work or when I had down time. It was the only thing that kept me going besides the friends I had made there. Needless to say, I am a horrible secretary. It is funny how at the time that we are going through something we may think it’s the worst thing ever. In all truth it’s just another stepping stone on the path of where we are headed. This Ted talk above is just awesome, it will make you laugh yet you will realize how many of these things you do on a daily basis. Enjoy, feel free to comment.

Ulcerative Colitis ..

For those who do not know, I was diagnosed at 19 years old with Ulcerative Colitis. When I was a child I never had any gastrointestinal issues. I played softball my whole life and was quite active. I can not honestly say I maintained a good diet, as that would be false. My mother was a great cook, but fast food was also very frequent for the menu. Not to mention all the tons of candy and sugar I consumed when playing ball. Its amazing to me how resilient our bodies are when we are young. When I look back I wonder how my colitis didn’t develop sooner. I learned I come from a family of autoimmune disorders. Genetics seems to follow us all. Sometimes thats a good thing if you get like beautiful hair or skin. In relation to disease it feels more like a curse. My grandmother had Rheumatoid Arthritis and my mother has psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. I guess only fitting I would develop something. After all I got migraines like them. These thoughts are what I thought most of my life.

In college I would go to McDonalds, Taco Bell, Hardees, ya know all of the “best” fast food chains. I recall at the time being so naive. Not understanding how after eating I would end up directly in the bathroom. This went on for years.. After all I was put on medicine ( pills) for my colitis. I thought it should have been “fixed.” I even had a doctor tell me after I initiated the drugs that I would wake up one day and it would be like a bad dream. Seemed my bad dream turned into a nightmare. I lost 25 pounds in my first year of flares and looked pretty  emaciated in comparison to my previous build. Not until a few years later and rounds of steroids for three months and the trial of 6mp. I finally woke up. The 6mp sent me into pancreatitis and that pain was definitely a red flag that these drugs were killing me slowly. I realized that my diet was killing me as well. I stopped eating at fast food chains. Sugar is pretty much lethal to ulcerative colitis and greasy food . I also learned from a family member about a product called Ambrotose. (no i’m not endorsing it or in the market to persuade anyone out there.) I will say though that with those few simple modifications, my days got a lot better.  I still take colazal as a maintenance therapy. I have not had a big flare in probably 3 years now.

Diet.. I’m in the process now of modifying my diet even further. As I mentioned in my first post, Learning is a continuous process.I am certainly not perfect(starbucks addict here). I’m trying to cut out meat and dairy more than I ever have. I highly recommend Wild Cow if you are looking into vegan options. Best veggie burger I have ever had. I have been incorporating more vegetables and fruit in my diet. I go to whole foods a lot to eat, although I can not afford like most cant to buy groceries solely from there. I take a good probiotic. The american diet is extremely detrimental I feel to our normal flora and probiotics are recommended for everyone ( by me:) . I have had many patients say to me, “Oh honey I eat yogurt sometimes”. Most of the yogurts on the market are full of more sugar than anything. I’m not knocking yogurt, it serves a good purpose, but I do feel a correlation of dairy being an insult to an already unhealthy gut. Also Fish oil and Vitamin E are are two vitamins I have included daily. Fish oil serves so many purposes and vitamin E as well. Pinterest has many articles on them both and their health benefits.  I have not touched a coke product in a few months now which I’m very proud of myself for. Getting off of Diet coke was difficult to say the least. Aspartame , I call it rat poison is in my opinion another leading cause of cancers. I drink spring water mostly and when I need some caffeine I have tea. For my vice as we all have one is Coffee.. No I have not been able to put my cup of morning buzz down. I however do not put any sugar in it and use a non fat milk . The struggle is real hah..

Stress.. is also lethal to your gut. Think about it for some of you, when you get nervous about something or upset what hurts? Some may get a headache, but my stomach hurts pretty much immediately.  Thats how I channel my stress and I feel most people do. I would put myself in the category of an internalizer. I don’t eat to cope with my stress, I don’t smoke or drink to cope, but I have spent years keeping things that bothered me repressed. I feel that aside from genetics it’s on top of the list of causes for disease and cancers. When we internalize we are burying the problem. I will talk about that in future posts because I think it applies to several if not all dysfunctions and habits we get ourselves into while running away from the elephant in the room so to speak.

What to take away from this post perhaps is we all need balance in our lives, not easy I know. Single parenthood creates very little balance most days. I’ve learned you have to create it. We create our own reality and we can have lemons or we can make lemonade. Despite the stress, we all have to find an outlet. I suggest Exercise, a Hobby, reading, writing, dancing, creating. Anything that is a diversion for your everyday stress is essential to your vitality. I play guitar and enjoy singing. I don’t think there is any better modality of therapy for me than those two things. Some people say art and music are right up there with prayer. I believe that. Everyone has  to find something that brings them a little bit of peace. Even though we don’t realize it, by doing what we love we are releasing our stress , we are letting out the burdens that we carry and we are bringing happiness to our soul even if its for that short amount of time. It is essential. Happiness is after all what we are all craving and I truly believe happiness is the cure for what ails us.  Thanks for reading.

The Title and Inspiration. “The Health of Knowledge”

I have been pondering starting a blog for about a year now. I actually created this page about 5 months ago when the title popped in my head one morning. Then I sat down and did what a lot of us do when we are nervous to try something new.. we do Nothing! (cuz its easier right?) Well its been eating at me and I just have an overall desire to share things I learn in the health industry or in regards to health issues as a whole. I have been a Registered Nurse going on 13 years now.. That number makes me feel very old, yet I feel a sense of wisdom emerging. Along the way early in my nursing career I can honestly say like most young nurses. I was a novice to conventional medicine. I had so much to learn about certain conditions, surgeries, and what my purpose even was as a nurse.(it wasn’t just to help people.)  One thing that I’ve realized more than anything that nursing has done for me is it has taught me more than I ever thought I would want to know about people.I almost have developed an obsession with why people act the way they do.. Do you ever sit at the airport and people watch? or perhaps at a resteraunt or the mall? You see numerous people walk by all dressed differently and with a different gait about them. Some walk with their head down, some are so proud and happy, others look stressed, and some are exhausted. Little did I know early on that coming on to a nursing shift is a lot like that. The exception is you don’t just watch them walk by and form your opinion.. you deal with the emotions that they are all feeling( that do not always coincide well with your emotions) for a solid twelve hours. One patient is happy, the other is terrified,one is physically sick and in pain.. you get the point.

So what is your job as the nurse? to fix it right? Well I learned early on that that’s easier said than done. I think you learn to be a bit of a chameleon. To me being a chameleon is not always being authentic to who you are. For many years going to work was a dreaded task.I quickly realized, I can not fix that they are addicted to pain meds because they had a car accident 12 years ago and they are still telling themselves that they have that same pain now. Nor can I change the fact that a patient is in a physically abusive relationship with her boyfriend. Then there are the patients thats are morbidly obese that eat to cope with their childhood wounds and pain. The list goes on for days of people that have physical ailments that present loud and clear,but the core of the problem is so much deeper. As a nurse you can not touch those deep problems as in that setting the job is to “fix” what they are there for. God forbid I tell them what I really think, because that would be insulting by hospital standards. Although talking to my patients is something I love to do and  never realized that I have always had a desire to understand and connect the dots of people emotionally. Maybe not in that arena is it appropriate for me to state my advice or opinions clearly but hopefully here I can. Some people will align with it and some people will find me crazy.  My desire in life is to touch on the problems that I see we all carry around that eventually surface on a physical level. We can not change what we do not acknowledge. Knowledge is power in so many ways and with that power we can lead healthier lives.  Over the past 4 years I have been enlightened by reading and listening to some of the most influential people in the world. As Mel Robbins says, whatever your interest is, get a PHD in it! That doesn’t mean you have to go back to school. There are so many opportunities for learning today, the internet being one of the greatest tools. I just want to share things and am open to opinions and thoughts. I believe we are all here on this earth to learn about ourselves and each other. Maybe someday we will all connect with a sense of oneness and gratitude. Thank you for joining me in this journey! 🙂